VaiAlTuoPaese (coming soon)

 

My birthplace was Saratov, a small Russian provincial town situated on the Volga River. Because of its underdevelopment, the city gained notoriety and frequently appears on Russian comedic television programs as a prime example of an apocalyptic location.

I arrived in the US 17 years ago with no money, no job, and undocumented. Later I found myselfI so consumed by the fantasy of a relationship with the UK; I was convinced it would be my happily ever after. My feelings towards London changed repeatedly throughout my time there.

But now I’ve become an Italian citizen. Eleven years of my life have been spent here. 

Although Russian is my mother tongue, English is the language spoken by my children and me. Despite fluency in three languages and competence in several more, my dysgraphia leads to frequent harsh criticism of my writing. I often notice that instead of understanding my point, people zero in on my mistakes. In general, though, I feel positive about using English.

I’ve been an immigrant for half my life, yet I remain baffled by the ever-changing rules and social dynamics of each new country. It can be gender games, sexual games, babysitter games, good doctor/bad artist games, language games, outfit games, political games. 

Billions inhabit the world, yet the claim that nobody eats at 6 pm persists.

Fuck!I am lost again! I do not understand the rules! I just feel that I am not enough and I have lost a sense of where do I belong!

 

Have you not? Are you sure?

What do you feel?